The Ability to Shut Up
“Knowing when to shut….up is a great and underrated talent.”
Irvine Welsh – “Glue”
The "necessary skills kit" of a modern person has been recently updated, primarily due to the rise of social media use and the new norm of opinion sharing, to include a willingness on the part of many to speak out regarding any topic. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the people who have this skill fail to recognize, and therefore adapt, the contrasting ability – sensibly assessing your capabilities and remaining silent (or completely shutting up).
The majority of people remain cautious in their revelations regarding topics deemed to be sensitive according to their culture, age, community, etc. These "sensitive conversations" can include issues such as politics, race, sex, and religion and which through decades have remained in the category "be cautious when speaking about..." However, with the emerging growth of people who speak out, these engraved norms are often pushed over. More and more we hear people come out about their gender, discuss sexual preferences, debate who created the world, etc. However, the dark side of this freedom of opinion sharing and stepping over the 'normalcy' borders exists: when one starts to speak on a sensitive topic, ie. crosses the 'normalcy' line, they are not defined by societal norms such as common sense, guiding points, hazard labels or brick walls. One's opinion flow exceeds the zone controlled by society and sweeps along controlled solely by oneself. Essentially, when, what, and to whom to speak remains a slippery slope. The individual armed with the willingness to speak most often steps out of the borders of social norms, consequently finding themselves unable to control or filter what they produce. All of this circles into society, primitively speaking, diverging into two categories when speech comes to an acute topic: 1) people who resist speaking out 2) people who speak out and cross the borders into a free, most often uncontrolled, flight of thought.
Life example: My grandmother is heavily religious, and as one who belongs to the second category, I often shared my agnostic views with her. From time to time, my harmless intention of sharing my beliefs involuntarily spilt into humiliation and infringement of her religious beliefs. I noticed how my words hurt my grandmother's feelings and furthermore, how my expectations of her to confront me were crushed, as she belongs to the first category of people. Yes, I was boldly speaking my opinion, and there is nothing wrong with that, but I was not cautious as I saw no borders. I didn't think to use more sensitive and politically correct language, to back up claims with evidence, to fact-check the information I was distributing… to simply take a pause and analyze whether I had enough knowledge, enough of a formed opinion, and enough ability to respectfully deliver and thoroughly execute my views. I never simply stopped. I never simply shut up.
As I have not yet defined the lines of speaking out and shutting up when it comes to sensitive topics myself, I find I am concerned about other people's lack of such lines throughout casual, everyday conversations too. Societal norms, common sense, the human egocentric nature, and a highly developed sense of "self" gives one assurance in the correctness and truthfulness of their beliefs/values/opinions. Further nurtured by the social manifestation of the concept of every man for themselves, one irredeemably believes in their integrity. Thus, most often, the combination of thinking of yourself as the knowing-all enlightener and having the skill of speaking out turns one into an everlasting collider, spitting out unchewed information to the masses. And while envisioning their doings as a mission, in reality, it most often turns out to be simply verbal diarrhea with a pinch of usefulness.
Life example: You overhear a two-way conversation about a personal matter. Feel free to spare everyone's time, save your reputation as a competent individual, and resist intervening. If a topic has nothing to do with you, perhaps try to listen and resist your urge to stick in a word just for the sake of "contributing." Of course, there is nothing wrong with being curious and communicative, but you need to be aware that there is a place and time for you to speak and to shut up. And if you struggle to define between the two and often are overpowered by the "human instinct of sharing," pause and listen to the common-sense voice. Ask yourself whether you should speak or maybe simply resist.
Sources:
https://www.vox.com/a/new-economy-future/cars-cities-technologies