Sorry not Sorry

Apologizing is one of the first social behaviours we are taught as children. In the age of ‘call-out culture’ it is especially important to revisit the harmful practices we perpetuate when apologizing for our wrongdoings.

Call-out culture (alternatively, cancel culture or outrage culture) is a modern form of boycotting and exclusion that attempts to remove celebrities from their platforms. At best, it smudges reputations. At worst, it ruins careers. But, love it or hate it, with the prevalence of social media, it is not going anywhere. Personally, I take no issue with addressing celebrities and people with a platform, especially when they have done something problematic or perpetuated hate toward marginalized groups. Despite the potential benefits of calling someone out, however, celebrities often fail to give meaningful responses. Their apologies tend to deviate further and further from their purpose. There are countless Youtube compilations of famous people in hoodies and no makeup, delivering several-minute apologies that focus on themselves instead of the action they are apologizing for. 

A few of my favourite apologies I have witnessed time and again, are:

“Sorry you were offended.” 

“The world is too sensitive. / It was a joke.”

Forced and reluctant apologies

“I did not know. / It was so long ago.”

It seems as if the ways we have been taught to say sorry are not setting us up for success when it is time to apologize for bigger offences.

The problem with this inadequacy is that people are bound to make mistakes, meaning it’s necessary to reconcile with the people who looked up to you and make genuine apologies. Unfortunately, a lot of celebrities are too concerned with their perception and their feeling of being attacked, inhibiting their ability to understand what they did was wrong. 

A main part of apologizing is taking yourself out of the situation to understand how other people are feeling. It is easy to get clogged up with being concerned about how people are upset with you, but if you take yourself out for a moment, you can understand your actions and role more objectively. Then, it may be easier to show true remorse and avoid defensiveness. Today's culture appreciates accountability in the form of apologies and from the A-list to the regular Joe on the road, meaning we all need to learn how to take responsibility.

It is better to make a truly-heartfelt, and committed to change apology than to apologize for the sake of apologizing. If you do not mean it, keep your empty words.

Resources:

https://www.newsweek.com/semiotics-sorry-how-apologize-opinion-1579062

https://goop.com/ca-en/wellness/mindfulness/what-it-takes-to-give-and-receive-a-good-apology/

https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/how-to-apologise-the-right-way/

https://time.com/3196100/suicide-apology-culture/

https://uuce.org/sermons/apologies-in-the-age-of-cancel-culture/