A Grad’s Guide to Graduating: a Post-Assessment Reflection

Written by Sarah Cooke
Edited by Jane Ling
Cover Image by Leyao Xiao

What did you go into this assessment thinking?

I went into this assessment intimidated, but excited. I knew that it would be challenging in many ways. I expected it to be academically rigorous, which it was. I also knew that it would be difficult to find my place in a new social scene, and, admittedly, it sometimes was.

I also came into this assessment expecting spirit and a strong community, which I also experienced, but not in the way that I anticipated.

At Havergal, I wasn’t always known, but I was always seen. I always felt that, as an individual, I could pursue my interests, express my opinions, or interact with the various communities that I was a part of and feel welcomed.

Spirit, I soon learned, isn’t performed – it’s innate. I didn’t go into this experience realizing how intrinsically connected spirit and belonging were, but I soon found that my spirit was born out of a love for the interests I could pursue at Havergal and a deep care for those around me.

Most importantly, I came into this assessment determined, thinking that once I found my footing, I would be set. I certainly never anticipated how untrue that would be. My experience at Havergal was anything but stagnant, and for that I’m grateful.

What ideas did your peers propose, and how did they change your perspective?

It seems, year after year, we are asked to ponder Ellen Knox’s famous question: “What will you do?” Though I may never be able to fully answer the question myself, in the face of my peers, the best answer I can suggest is to put an emphasis on the word do. In my time at HC, my peers have shown me the importance of doing things not out of neccessity or for praise, but because they wanted to make a difference. My peers have shown me a sense of agency to take initiative and lead with integrity that is unparalleled.

More than that, I learned that every accomplishment can and should be equally celebrated. It’s so easy to feel a sense of competition among peers or to feel like their accomplishments diminished yours by comparison, but I have discovered just how much I can learn from those around me and their experiences.

My peers’ kindness, camaraderie, and support have proven that no environment is unchanging or pre-determined– it’s made and maintained. Coming into this experience in grade nine, I thought that I had to “find” where I belong, which was partially true. I realized, however, that no belonging is take with no give: I had to foster the environment that I belonged in.

At the intersection of doing and belonging, my peers exemplified true leadership as accomplishing what you feel driven to do and fostering the environment you need to do it in.

What are you leaving this assessment thinking?

Leaving an assessment rarely feels bittersweet. Normally, I approach these post-assessment reflections with all of the relief of a student who can finally let go of the stress and anticipation that they had been carrying, not wanting to have to mentally revisit the assessment in order to reflect on it.

I left this assignment with a sense of belonging in many communities, from my grade, to my House, to my clubs, but also with a sense of self that I found within these spaces. Havergal often encourages its students to try new things. As someone with countless (sometimes short-lived) interests, I thrived. I pushed myself in countless new directions and learned a lot about myself when I ventured outside of my comfort zone. But sometimes I still felt like I was still struggling to find my thing - the one thing I excelled at. I have come to find that I felt the most myself when I could connect with others and pursue my interests at their intersections. It was when I could bring my various passions together, or connect with a peer over an unexpected similarity, that I felt a true sense of belonging.

I came into this assessment hoping for consistency; eager to find “my place” and stay there. I now understand the importance of branching out and taking every chance. Nothing is lost in forming a new connection or pursuing a new interest.

Leaving a place that has given me so much is certainly, but leaving it knowing the person it has helped me become makes this post-assessment reflection easier.

If you could re-do the assessment, what changes would you make?

I would like to revert to the sappy retrospective acceptance that only grads have and say “nothing”, but that seems contradictory to what an “advice column” fundamentally is, so I’ll refrain and instead tell you what I wished I had done.

Reflected.

It’s easy to reflect as a grad for many reasons. First, it’s always easy to reflect when there’s a lot to reflect on, so although I’m struggling to grapple with the ever-looming end to my time at Havergal, it still seems that reflection comes naturally. Second, reflection is easier when you have lessons at your fingertips. The more time at Havergal that I experience, the clearer some lessons become.

But I wish I had reflected more at every step. After every test, before every new experience. Over the course of this assessment, I have sometimes gotten so caught up in what I’m doing and, more importantly, what’s next.

Since it is my last BTI article, I’ll reserve myself the right to lean into the expected cliches a little bit. I hope to walk across the stage at graduation and wish that nothing were different about my HC experience. I say that not because I hope to look back at time at HC as completely perfect, but because I believe the importance of this, reflection, is about looking forward.

The importance of reflecting on the past is to be able to identify the good as we experience it in the present. It’s to be able to look forward, not in a way that rushes, or that identifies regrets and tries not to recreate them, but rather, to look forward to try and make the most of future experiences.

Havergal has allowed me to try everything, and for that, I’m grateful. It’s so easy to get caught up moving quickly from meeting to meeting, experience to experience, or assignment to assignment. We rush through post-assessment reflections like an afterthought, a hurdle in our ever-moving lives. But, as a grad, the biggest advice that I can give to you is this: stop. reflect. Think about what went well, what you liked, how you felt, and how others made you feel. It’s so easy to move through your time at Havergal with your head turned down and your eyes on the next thing. It won’t always be easy, because you won’t want to stop moving ahead. Which brings me to the final reason that reflecting is so easy as a grad.

Looking back is easy when you don’t necessarily want to look forward.

I’m happy to say that I can reflect on this four-year-long assessment with nothing but utter fondness. But perhaps, if I had looked back more, it would be easier to move forward. And even if not, I would have been glad to have appreciated more of the steps along the way.